Is Grouting Sexy?

Articles in women's magazines of the 'how to keep your man keen' variety have long since been in abundance. Not just featured in magazines like Vogue, Cosmopolitan or the more domestic Woman and Home, in my youth I remember Jackie magazine with its photo stories of love, loss, hairspray and evil best friends who stole your man whilst providing useful (often bizarre) tips on how to sustain your relationship through thick and thin, ever changing new hairstyles, makeup tips and preposterously expensive outfits.

Then as now there is a focus on sex and grooming. One wonders if men's magazines have ever blatantly discussed best ways to keep your woman. The general consensus suggests that neither grooming or 'pleasing' your woman have featured highly in such magazines, but I digress. In terms of grooming hair removal is quite high on the list. But in these days of lock down it's been fun to see how many women have just not bothered versus those who have kept going with an epilator. In our household I can't say it has been at the forefront of my mind and I am as erratic as ever I was; lurching from 'Veet', to razor to 'can't be arsed' in the course of a month. That said, I am glad to say himself has never lent over the breakfast table to lovingly brush something off my chin to recoil in horror as it turned out to be a two inch hair with the thickness and texture of cheese wire, as David Niven did at a fancy dinner. Chances are though he'd need his glasses on before he spotted one anyway so I may have a whole forest of chin hairs - who knows?

The second focus of 'keep em keen' articles is tips about how to keep things fresh in the bedroom. This has been boosted by the plethora of women's erotica books that have become more mainstream and been flashed all over the media.

So last week I decided to save time and kill two birds with one stone. With a mind to trying new and exciting things in the bedroom and after a day finishing a few different mosaics I gathered my craft books around me in bed with the help of my new bed-table. This is a fabulous vintage hospital contraption that was sent as a gift from my brother and sister-in-law. With Bonnie Fitzgerald's book Compendium of Mosaic Technique in front of me, I contemplated grout. Himself was reading some thriller as I feverishly turned pages in hope of inspiration; 'If you look at these tiles with all these grouts which would be best for me to use?', I asked.

I can't say this elicited much response, but as these articles say you have to persevere to build a strong relationship. So I carried on, 'I'm especially concerned over the mosaic that has lots of white as the book suggests I should use white grout and I'm not a fan'. He, ever the suave man about town who knows how to keep my heart a-flutter replied, 'You know you'll use the grey, there's not much else to say'. What a man- so decisive and so goddamn cool. My reply, 'but what type of grey', only received a nonchalant lift of a brow as my man knows it's exciting to keep a woman guessing.

So, there you have it - how to keep any relationship alive and sparkling. In the bedroom my man understands cable ties and back injuries are not de rigueur, but 50 shades of grey grout is where it's at. Craft on my friends- craft on!

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